When you are a new disciple you think the disciples are like, you know, like divine gods and goddesses. And you have so much faith in them and appreciation for them. There was one girl especially; she was very close to Guru, and I always admired her very much.

Then I heard that she had to leave the path and it was such a shock for me. I was crying and crying and I thought if such a divine person cannot manage to stay on the path, how can I manage?

It was the last day of my visit to New York; I didn't want to go home from New York right away, I was afraid that something could happen. I also didn't want people to see me crying, so I went outside the court at Aspiration-Ground. I was somewhere under a tree, and I thought, “Oh, in one hour I have to leave to go to the airport. When will I ever be able to breathe the pure air here at Aspiration-Ground? Will I ever see Guru again?” Very dramatic! 

Then a miracle happened. Guru suddenly—an utter miracle—went out of the court. Ranjana drove the car back to pick up Guru. Everybody else was still inside the court. Guru came out and they went up the hill. There I was, hidden under a tree. nobody could see me. I saw that the car was going up, you know, and thought maybe it was last time I would see Guru in his car driving up the hill. I was just sobbing tears as the car went up. But then he drove back again up to where I was standing.

Guru turned down the window and he just went like this, like I should enter the car. I was not a person who was outwardly lucky to be close enough to Guru to ever be in this car. So, I entered Guru's car and I was 20 centimeters from Guru's head. I couldn't believe it! Guru didn't say a word, and the car drove to his house with me.

Then Guru asked, “When are you leaving?” I said, “In one hour.” Guru went inside, and I followed Guru into the house. and then Guru, I was in the porch, which is Guru's first entrance into the house, standing there. Guru went right into the house. I was just waiting there and crying, not any more because I had to leave Guru, but just because I was in bliss, in Heaven. I couldn't believe I was in Guru's house. it was just so overwhelming.

Then Guru came back and with a golden boat. It had a little picture of Guru and a watch. It’s actually a watch but it’s in the form of a golden boat. Guru said, “Do you see? This is my picture.” He showed me his picture on the watch and said, “And you are inside the Golden Boat.”

In a way, he was saying, “I will always take care of you, I will always carry you to the Golden Shore in the Golden Boat.” He didn't speak more. I was just crying so much. I remember this was the only time Guru ever touched me. With his finger he just tapped here on the third eye, two times. I felt like my problem was in the mind, and Guru solved it all. That was very special to me.

I remember Guru also said, “Who else is flying back with you?”  I said, “We are fifteen disciples on the same flight.” So, Guru went back into the house, and he brought prasad for all of us.

Then I went to the flight. I didn't dare to tell anybody that I had been in Guru's car and Guru's house. I had this beautiful Boat and now I even had prasad.

Kailash was in the airplane and all these great disciples. And I had prasad. So, I just made something up. I didn't tell anybody. I got somebody to pass the prasad to everybody.

I think it was very important for me. I didn't care if anything went wrong in my life, about money, about friends, about anything. I only knew I wanted to stay always with Guru through all my lives, but especially through this life, when I am conscious of Guru. So, with this Golden Boat he helped me very much.

Growing up on the path was very interesting. Guru is so sweet and so compassionate and kind. He would always ask me and my brother, and I'm sure the other children, to write him letters. He always wanted us to write to him. I used to write poetry, and he praised my poetry. He said, "Send me more poems, more poems." Guru was very, very warm and very encouraging and full of love and affection to us as children growing up.

Guru's philosophy for all his disciples—Guru would always tell us, his children, "Give me everything, all your unhappiness, your suffering, any problems you have." Guru really encouraged us to be open and to offer it to Guru, to literally write it to him and offer it.

I noticed as a child growing up, it was easy in the beginning. But then at a certain age, 12, 13, you become more ashamed of your difficulties you're going through in life and all the problems. Less and less my brother and I would write to Guru. But Guru would always say, "Please, please, just offer it to me."

This is the amazing thing: To have a Guru, a Master like Guru who can take all of these things. He just wants you to give it all and to be open. It's something that took me quite a few years to learn again, how to do that when I was older, to just give everything to Guru and just to surrender it and not be ashamed, guilty or awkward, but just to offer everything to Guru and allow him to transform you.

God does not open Our mind-letters.
He opens only our heart-letters
— Immediately.

Sri Chinmoy 1

• 1. Seventy-Seven Thousand Service-Trees, part 21, Agni Press, 2001