Not only I but also my Canadian students have done so much for the heart and soul of Canada. My Canadian students have really awakened and illumined the consciousness of Canada. Nobody will believe how much they have helped Canada spiritually.

Sri Chinmoy1

Displaying bird drawings in Ottawa

This exhibition was unique, presenting the first 100,000 of Guru’s bird drawings to the public for one month. Those of us who took part will never forget that historical time. Our Centre had rented and renovated a four-story building, and painted it all in the purest white, as if making a special nest for Guru’s birds. And then the 100,000 birds arrived from New York in special transport trucks. To this day, more than 20 years later, when we talk about Sri Chinmoy in Ottawa, some people ask: “Is he the bird man?"

Guru had asked that the building be guarded 24-7, so a group of local boys were scheduled, one night per week, to guard Guru’s birds. Imagine this huge four-story building, after all is closed and doors are locked, and one guard, alone, with all the birds! Those nights, sleep was not an option: we were so energized by all the birds!

While the Ottawa population was in awe of Guru’s birds of Infinity, he was continuing to draw more and more birds, very quickly. Shortly after this initial exhibition of 100,000, he had completed his first one million birds. So, six months after the first grand opening, there was another celebration at this venue, featuring Guru’s latest miraculous artistic achievement.

Needless to say, it was most sublime, a unique world-class display of Guru’s original art. And on both occasions, we had an added treat: Guru came to see his birds and visit our Centre.

Canada - A Peace-Blossom Nation

Montreal 2000: Guru’s Largest Peace Concert

In the fall of 2000, Guru offered his largest concert ever, in Montreal. It was an incredible event, that had been planned and prepared for, for many months. The poster read: The Concert of a Lifetime. Nineteen thousand people attended!

The morning of the concert, I had a call from our Centre Leader, who asked me to introduce Guru to the audience. What an honour! And what a responsibility!  Throughout the day, I worked on a text, practiced my intonation and tried to be relaxed and in my best consciousness.

Just before the concert, one of the guards called to me and said: “Utsahi, Guru wants to see you." I then entered a large room adjacent to the concert hall, fully decorated with flowers. Guru was meditating in a nice chair. He called me up in front of him and asked: “How are you, Utsahi"? I couldn’t help but think to myself how much consideration Guru had. He’s the one offering the concert and he asks me how I am! I was in seventh Heaven, but simply replied: “Fine, Guru, thank you."

And then he replied: “Do not worry about anything; everything will be fine. When you are ready, you can do the Introduction."

I was so proud to present our Guru to the public. “Ladies and gentlemen, good evening, and welcome to the concert of a lifetime." I could hardly imagine that Guru would be in front of the blinding spotlights for two hours!

And it was the concert of a lifetime!

• 1. Sri Chinmoy, The world-experience-tree-climber, part 6, Agni Press, 1994

“I had a good life,“ my mother used to say in her later years...

My relationship with my mother was very special, very soulful, especially during the last few years of her life. In my younger years, it was not so easy. I guess I disappointed her: since she was a fervent Catholic, I knew that, in her heart of hearts, she had always wanted me to become a priest. At the age of 13, I had gone to a seminary with that specific goal in mind. This was a strict Order. I ended up, five years later, pronouncing the three sacred vows. But by the age of 21, I could not stand it any longer, and I left the Order. I was not well there. Plus, I had been abused by the priests. After that, I could accept, maybe, that I would lead a spiritual life, but I could not accept the priesthood!

For my mother, after all those years of anticipation, my return home was difficult. I think she felt that all her hopes had vanished. But she never openly expressed this, as was typical in my family and in my culture. There were a few signs here and there... the rest was dealt with in silence.

Years later, when my marriage failed, this was another blow to my mother. She had been proud of this marriage, of our children, of my family. That our marriage could end up in amicable divorce, she did not understand! So for many months after our separation, when I called her, it was clear that she was always hoping for a renewed relationship. Furthermore, when I talked to her about my spiritual Master, she was not at ease either. After all, having been brought up in the Catholic tradition, having an Eastern Guru was not exactly her cup of tea.

For years following the breakup of my marriage, after I met the house payments and paid the children’s allowances, I was left with no money to buy a newer car. So every season, I would touch up my old one by covering the rusted spots with fiberglass and paint. Life would go on... After I had done this for a few seasons, Julie and her teen-age friends decided to paint my brown Toyota in psychedelic colours; that was fun for them and it was okay with me. But it was not fun when my mother saw it! In my village, a car is, next to God, a sacred object. (I was even stopped by the police, who examined the car, and then asked me my profession. When I told them I was a university professor, they were sure I was lying and asked for evidence. Luckily, I had a business card with me.) So, it did not make my mother very happy, to say the least, to see her divorced son driving an old bumped-up, psychedelic car. She tried to insist on giving me money for a down payment on a new car, but I told her things were fine.

Now that I’ve said all this, the main thing I want to say is that Mom was a very wonderful person. Over the years, our love for each other grew to be very special. We could laugh about the old car. She knew that my ex-spouse and I were getting along well. And I had learned to live my life according to my inner calls and not her expectations, but then to love her for her kind heart.

Her life, and our relationship, had become simple, joyful. As the years went by, I would call her more often. She would give me joy; I would give her joy. I knew that I could share with her the peace and serenity I was getting from my relationship with Guru. By her 80th birthday, she had written more than 60 poems on simple matters like the wind, her family, the next life.

After she turned 80, she started having serious health problems. Many times, I was called to New Brunswick because my brothers and sisters did not know if she would make it. In 2000, I was due to on the Christmas Trip with Guru to Myanmar for two weeks. By the time the departure date arrived, my mother was so weak that her life was in danger. In spite of this, I felt the urge to go on the trip. Once more, with divine intervention, she became well and was full of energy and enthusiasm.

Two years later, things became much more difficult: the oxygen tank, the wheelchair, ... then she became bed-ridden. As she became increasingly ill, she had to be transferred from her home to a nursing home and finally to the local hospital. Many times in these last years, I drove from home in Ottawa to New Brunswick to see her. Plus I would call her two or three times a week. She could not read or write any more, and did not like television, so there was not much of anything for her to do. One evening I asked her what she was doing, to which she responded: “I was waiting for your call."

In July 2003, the family was urged to go see her immediately. Although this had happened a number of times in the previous year, I knew that this time she was really leaving. I prayed for the Supreme to let me see her once more before her departure. And then I left for Grand Falls, a nine-hour drive from Ottawa. I arrived in the early evening and volunteered to stay at her bedside for the night. My wish was to be able to place Guru’s Transcendental Picture beside her, sing her the Invocation, and spend the night beside her. So when everyone had left, I put the blessed photo beside her pillow and, in harmony with Guru and the Supreme, sang the Invocation. I knew these were my last intimate moments with her. I then thanked her for the life, the values, the optimism, the energy and the enthusiasm she had given me. She was serene, outwardly barely conscious, breathing heavily, with the assistance of the oxygen mask. I felt she was attentive to all that I was saying.

After some time, the nurses brought me a cot bed, so I could rest for a while. During the night, they came a few times to check on her, but I did not notice their presence. The next morning, the nurse asked me: “The photo under your mother’s pillow, is it your father?„ I was so happy! I could not believe this question! I answered, “Yes, of course.„ And then she said: “He looks a lot like you!„ What a compliment! That evening, she passed away. She was 83. She had been ill and frail for her last three years. Gradually, she had lost her ability to be independent, but she never lost her faith and her great optimistic spirit. She enjoyed it when I teased her. Always, till her last moment, her words were positive. She had something nice to say about people and about all of us, her children.

As soon as I could after this, I wanted to go to New York to be with Guru. I arrived there late on one Friday night. The next morning, after the Runners Are Smilers race, when Guru offered us prasad from his car, he called me over and asked: “Do you have a photo of your mother?„ “Yes,„ I answered. “Can you please give it to me?„ “Yes, Guru.„ Of course! I was happy to. With Utthal’s help, I prepared and presented to Guru a framed photo of my mother. Guru said he would give it back to me the next day.

The following day, before I left for Ottawa, I checked to see if I could have the photo back. Guru answered that it was still at his house and that he would give it back to me the next time I came down. I was in no rush to get it back. A few weeks later, one night at Guru’s house, I noticed that it was in a very prominent place right beside Guru’s seat. I was so happy. I was all joy. In what better place could my mother be?

One Sunday morning the following September, when we were at Aspiration-Ground, Guru called me over to him and said: “I have kept your mother’s photo for a long time in my house. Many times I have looked at her and many times I blessed her. Your mother’s soul is doing well."

Guru gave me back the framed photo, along with a huge smile. I was delighted. What a caring, compassionate Father we have! How much time and attention he gives to us all! When I returned home, I placed my mother’s photo on my altar, where she still is.

Sringkhala became a disciple of Sri Chinmoy in 1975. She is an artist, living in London.

"When I was little, I loved Jesus. My family were Baptists who lived in Italy and I grew up there until I was 12. I remember one day when I was about 7, sitting on a wall in the village where we lived. A wave of complete happiness overwhelmed me, I felt a sense of love and belonging that I never forgot.

After that, through my younger years, the search for that sense of deep love would rise to the surface occasionally, but it mostly remained in my subconscious. I am an artist and looking at my work from that period I can see a sense of yearning there. There is a darkness in some of the work, sometimes a sense of feeling lost.

I found myself deeply affected by the suffering of others; I protested wholeheartedly against the Vietnam war and other military actions. I painted the atrocities of war, and cried. In the early 1970s, just after the birth of my daughter, the dormant search within me for the Divine roared to life and everything in my outer life fell apart. My health suffered, I separated from my husband and moved across the world back to the UK with my child. I was desperate for answers: where is God? How can I reach Him? To me, God is divine love, infinite love and I desperately wanted to have a conscious connection to that Source.

Some old college friends introduced me to alternative healing methods. I met a colour healer called Alice who lived in Willesden, who helped me greatly with my health. I went to faith healers in the Christian Science church in Richmond. I had a dream one night where Alice stood in front of me, pointing to an Indian man dressed in a track suit. Shortly after that one of my friends recommended Yoga classes, and I started going to a class in Ealing.

The yoga teacher was lovely and one day she invited all of us to a “Joy Day”. What’s that? I thought. I was the only one to take her up on the invitation, and one day found myself at a meeting hall, ready to meet this enlightened group who were so advanced that they had a living Guru. But instead of mung bean stew and home-made organic bread, there were white bread sandwiches and Coca-Cola. Rather than sitting solemnly and chanting for an hour, there was a play, and some musical performances, and even a couple of games. I was confused; this wasn’t the picture of a “spiritual group” that I had in my mind, these people were having more fun than I could remember seeing without alcohol. But at the same time, I was home. I felt it in my heart, and in my bones. I was finally home.

Later I saw a picture of Sri Chinmoy, and he was the man I had seen in my dream. I was accepted as a disciple in 1975, and started coming to centre meditations. It was a year later that I met Sri Chinmoy in person for the first time, and I remember feeling a bolt in my chest, like an electric shock!

In the next few years I continued painting, and I noticed my art changing. Instead of focusing on war, I was painting angels, and peace. My imagery changed to include angels, and other-worldly beings, often blessing an oblivious human. The people in my paintings were serene, or searching. The colours were brighter and more harmonious. In 1979 I produced a solo exhibition that I called “Shadows into Smiles”. It showed my work from the early 1960s through to 1979, and the shift in the consciousness of my paintings, and my own focus, was obvious. I knew I was benefitting from being a student of Sri Chinmoy, but seeing my work like that really spelled it out for me, and I realized how deeply my spirit had healed.

Many years later, I was given the opportunity so show my art to Sri Chinmoy. He said, “she is a great artist! Definitely she is manifesting my teachings through her art.” This encouraged me to continue, and I have done many artworks that are directly influenced by my experiences with Sri Chinmoy, as well as by his poetry, music and other activities".