More to Life
Pranam Horlbeck
Zurich, Switzerland
Already, in my early years, I felt in my heart that there must be more to life than just fulfilling the desires of the outer world.
At the age of 12, after my parents separated, I had a very hard time, my school performance dropped and a rebellious time began. I started taking drugs and frequenting a new circle of friends. Among these new friends, however, was a very special person who brought about a big change in my life. During an intense conversation I had with him, this friend talked about the greatness of the universe and similar topics. That inspired me to learn about astronomy and similar sciences.
The search for my ‘place’ in this entire universe and many evenings of profound discussions with my best friend led me more and more towards philosophy and spirituality. I read books by Krishnamurti, Teilhard de Chardin and Ramana Maharshi. At that time we also decided to become millionaires as soon as possible, so we could be free of social bonds, and to settle in Ireland to meditate.
My first experience in meditation I owe to my aunt. She was the 'esoteric' aunt in the family, and she gave me a cassette tape with guided meditation exercises. I am grateful to my colleague as well who, when asked if we should listen to the tape, said: 'Yes, sure!' I probably would not have listened to it if he had said no. I really felt something in this guided meditation and started to meditate regularly. At that time I was about 15.
When I was 19, on my way to work, I saw a poster with a smiling picture of Sri Chinmoy and an aphorism, something about paradise being a state of consciousness. I immediately felt: this man is really happy – I want that happiness, too. Unfortunately, I did not attend the lecture then, and it took another five years before it finally happened.
While trying to make a living, I realised that the effects of my morning meditation completely disappeared after five minutes in the office. It was like a wake-up call for me. I quit this job and allowed myself some time to ask myself inwardly what I really wanted and what would give me inner fulfilment.
The answer then was: a health food store, organic food, healthy nutrition.
I called the association of health food stores, which then sent me a list of suppliers. Among many others was a company managed and operated by students of Sri Chinmoy. When I asked for a job, a very kind person said that, unfortunately, there was no vacancy but he would be able to give me a book about nutrition. When I went there, I could feel the positive energy already in the building. Everybody there was very nice and seemed to share my way of life. Everything felt right, and after a profound conversation with the director of the company, I was deeply inspired to start a true spiritual life.
I saw how all things are connected
Anandashru Elliott
Auckland, New Zealand
Long ago, when I was a young farmer’s wife with two very small children, there was a time when I found myself in an awful "black hole" of depression. I had never been particularly unhappy in my life before then, rarely saw a doctor, and thought one would just say, "Grow up; you have responsibilities now." For many weeks I had been listening to a 15-minute programme, "A Faith for Today," on the radio every morning. Weeping copious tears, I would pray and pray to really believe in the existence of God and Jesus Christ – but please, please, not to remain indifferent any longer.
One morning, after the broadcast was over, I was washing up the breakfast dishes and crying into the sink as usual, when my view through the window and across the valley was silently rent down the middle with a slight zigzag shift, and the world changed. The view was the same, yet all looked subtly different, slightly shimmering. It seemed as though the trees along the distant horizon had joined hands and were dancing, for one thing – but my real understanding was inner. I saw, somehow, or rather understood, how everything IS. I saw how all things are connected and that love is the key, and I was swept along and upward in a joyous unfolding vision of how this could blossom into Heaven on earth one day, with love for one another spreading across the land and around the world until it encompassed all nations and all mankind. All the time I found myself whispering, 'Of course, of course!' as if in ecstatic recognition of something long forgotten.
This is the best I can do by way of explanation. At the time, I tried to write down all that I had 'seen' – and could not. It was somehow impossible to express the wonder of it in ordinary words. One of my favourite talks on the radio had been on Jesus’ teaching, 'You are the light of the world…' I knew this parable but always assumed that it applied to his disciples only. Now I knew it meant me, and you, everyone on earth.
I was totally uplifted. I knew the light shone from my eyes, my face was radiant and my heart overflowed with happiness and love. (This was not just a mood swing! I have never been depressed again in all the years that have passed since.) I had been given far more than I had asked for. Now I did not just believe. I knew.
Today I feel that, in answer to my genuine, anguished cries, God’s Compassion came down mightily and temporarily lifted the veil of maya, or illusion, long enough to give me the answer I so desperately sought. Then the veil descended again, inevi-tably. The high consciousness also descended, slowly, without lots of prayer and meditation to maintain it, and I was left with just the essence of the experience to sustain me. I attended churches of several different faiths but could not find lasting inspiration anywhere and gradually just returned to 'normal.' But that knowledge was always there, deep within – God IS.
The search never ceased, however. I read every book on spirituality and any loosely associated subject that the Hamilton City Library could provide. There was a book on meditation that sounded interesting, and just what I needed, but I tried it only once, on my own. One day there was an advertisement in the Waikato Times: 'Four meditation classes for $25.00.' So off I went. My only recollection is that we sat in a circle on the floor in a darkened room with a lighted candle in the middle. I found it weird, sitting in the dark with shadowy figures all around, and made no progress.
The following year a small paragraph appeared in the local mid-week paper; a lady called Subarata, from Auckland, would be coming to Hamilton to give free meditation classes. Feeling a bit dubious after the last strange experience, I wanted to give it another try but thought it would be nice to go with a friend. I asked my daughter on the off chance that she might like to come with me – and she said she would.
During the introductory meditation, I concentrated hard on my breathing and the 'little imaginary thread in front of the nose," and soon found myself focused on a space, like a tiny rift between clouds, where it seemed something important was just out of sight, but which could be revealed at any moment. Entranced, I gazed yearningly at that space. Time passed. Then, as from a distance, I heard a quiet voice saying, "Now bring your attention slowly back to the room…" Oh, no, No, NO! But that was it. What else could you do?
I never saw that space again – the doorway to the ever-beckoning Beyond? But my course was now set fair towards it, toward my goal – and my Guru. Though I did not know it then, again I would be given more than I could ever have dreamed of asking for.
Saints and Angels
by Devabala Malits
Györ, Hungary
Some people are already like saints or angels when they come to our path, adopting Guru’s requirements very easily and swiftly; they are fully ready for the spiritual life. Others are not. You can decide which category I fit in.
Before I went to my first meditation lecture, given by an Austrian disciple, I had never even heard the word 'meditation.' But being a college student with a limited budget, the word 'free' pulled me with irresistible power to any cultural event in the city. Everything went well – the lecture and the classes – and soon I was able to report to my friends on the really high and sublime experiences that I was experiencing during my deep meditations. Of course, every word was a lie, but it served my purpose, polishing up my image as 'a nice guy who is a little different from others.' During the last class, the teacher started to speak about God, a field among many others in which I unfortunately considered myself a real expert. Plus, the opportunity to send a photo to Sri Chinmoy to apply to be his student scared me totally. This was Guru’s and my soul’s first attempt.
What followed for the next two years was a typical Hungarian college life in the 1990's, with a lot of fun, wild parties, drinking, not studying, and so on. The only thing unusual was my 'casino life.' I had a winning roulette strategy, which was boring and required a lot of discipline, but it supplied me for years with far more than enough money. I didn’t need a free meditation class anymore.
At one point, I saw the same poster on the same spot as two years earlier, and I remembered the most beautiful music that I had ever heard. This music had been played during the first lecture. Luckily, I considered myself to be a music expert, too. So I went to the class just to buy an audio tape of the music group Akasha. That was the only thing that I needed from those God-explaining people.
My plan – just to go to the class for the tape – didn’t work out. I started to take the same classes again, having the same fake incredible inner experiences. Shortly after that, I started to attend the nice meditation centre in the city of Györ. I went regularly, every week, without becoming Guru’s disciple, because of my reluctance to give my picture for the application.
The next important event was Guru’s concert in Bratislava, Slovakia, where I – as a self-appointed music expert – was not impressed. As an expert in spirituality and God, I had no feelings at all. I didn’t stay for the function following the concert. To show off to my disciple-friends, I decided to run during the night to the Hungarian border, with the intention of taking the first train the next morning to my city. On the map it looked like a short distance. On a small map...
Luckily, after a few hours of roaming, someone picked me up on the highway and drove me for the remaining 20+ miles. I spent the night at the border village train station. My normal state of consciousness, even at that time, was to feel good and be happy; but that night, in that train station, I felt more miserable than ever before or since. Not sleeping, but still having nightmares, I experienced a feeling of being torn apart by unseen forces – a kind of serious fight in me, for me, over me. Afterwards, I was totally exhausted.
After this experience, I decided to give up my „spiritual“ life entirely. But my determination to not visit our meditation centre lasted only for a month or so. After a few weeks of being back in the Centre, my position as non-disciple in the meditation centre had become inwardly intolerable, so finally I had to give my picture. I took my acceptance as Guru’s disciple for granted – something well-deserved – not really knowing what the whole thing meant. After it happened, I went on living my 'spiritual life', which had the components of not meditating at home at all, leading the same old exciting, undivine life, but going regularly to a meditation centre, packed with disciples who were endlessly patient towards me. God bless them all.
But quite soon, a great turning point came in the form of a fellow whose nose was totally flat as a result of a motorcycle accident. One day, right after meditation at our Centre, I went, as usual, to a rock concert with my non-disciple-friends. During the concert, for some reason, I started to wrestle with this flat-nosed guy on the ground, in the dust. My friends grabbed him, and my job was to flatten his nose to an even greater extent. But right then, when I raised my fist, very strong feelings of Guru’s presence, of being in the Centre, meditating, singing came to me. I didn’t quite understand what I was doing there, fighting with someone, just one hour after meditation at the Centre.
So, I just walked home, knowing perfectly well that at that Hollywood movie scene, I had irreversibly chosen the life for which I had come into this world.
The next morning at 6 a.m., the journey started.
The Master we were looking for
by Kritartha Brada
Prague, Czech Republic
I saw Sri Chinmoy for the very first time in Bratislava, the capital of Slovakia, on November 22nd, 1993. As I remember, I had been attending meditation classes for one month along with my friends. So we together decided to travel from Prague, Czech Republic, to Bratislava and see Sri Chinmoy at a Peace Concert. We had never attended such an event before, so we were eager for this new experience. The concert was called 'A Festival of Inner Peace', which sounded very attractive and mysterious to us. We were seated in a huge basketball hall, which held 5,000 people, and felt drowned in the sea of this large audience. When Sri Chinmoy came out on the stage and meditated in silence with folded hands, I was all admiration for his humility and inner power, which filled the entire hall with a sparkling atmosphere and a peaceful silence.
As the concert was coming to an end, Sri Chinmoy started to play a big Chinese gong, which was, for me, the beginning of an incredible three-stage experience. With each mighty stroke of the gong, I felt like somebody was striking me very hard. It was as if I had armour all around my body, and with each stroke of the gong somebody was breaking in to my inner self through the iron shell of my own ignorance. It went on like this during the whole time of the gong performance. Towards the end, I felt the hammering had succeeded in making an opening in the centre of my chest.
But it did not end there. The second stage was cleaning. The feeling was as if someone had taken a vacuum cleaner and was sucking out the dirt accumulated within. The third and final stage of that day was the as yet unknown feeling of tearful gratitude. After the cleaning, I felt much lighter and somehow freed from a heavy load of ignorance and impurity. This was replaced by a glimpse of vastness and liberation in my consciousness. At this moment I felt that Sri Chinmoy accepted my ignorance with the promise to transform and illumine my life one day. It was the beginning of my spiritual journey to the Light of the Beyond.
The next day after the concert, there was a function in the evening only for Sri Chinmoy’s disciples. I was not a disciple at that time, but after my experience the previous evening, I wanted to attend the meeting with Sri Chinmoy. I still had my long hair, which was quite an obstacle to getting in to the function, because it was a clear sign that I was not a disciple. So I decided to hide my long hair in a ponytail, hoping this would protect me from unwanted questions – and it served its purpose. When I was in the function hall, I sat at the back, hiding myself, trying not to draw any attention and just waiting to see what was going to happen.
I was astonished to see Sri Chinmoy coming up on stage in running shoes, a tracksuit and a winter jacket! He sat in his armchair, with his legs stretched out, and started looking around, while also drawing something on a piece of paper. I had no idea what was going on. I found it quite amusing and very interesting at the same time. At one moment, as I was gazing in amazement at Sri Chinmoy on stage, he looked up towards where I was seated, with his index finger on his lips. My first feeling was: "Uh-oh, he sees that I am a stranger here, that I do not belong to the group of his disciples." I started to feel a bit uneasy and thought: "He will probably call someone to take me away." The feeling of insecurity and embarrassment was growing stronger, so I decided to pretend that I did not care who he was looking at, and I turned my head to the right and to the left as if I was not interested to know what was happening. At one point I became a victim of curiosity again and I wanted to see if he was still looking in my direction. He still was! I accepted the challenge, mustered my courage and said to myself: "Fine, I will keep looking at him as well and let us see what happens."
To my surprise, I started to feel in my third eye, in between my eyebrows, an experience similar to what I felt in the centre of my chest during the concert. This time there was a very pleasant, warm and joyful sensation in my spiritual heart. At the end of the function, my two friends and I all shared our feelings and we came to the same conclusion: The man on the stage is a very special one. We had never seen such a combination of humility and inner power, a childlike nature and authentic spirituality. All the experiences we had with Sri Chinmoy gave us a clear feeling and firm conviction that he was the genuine spiritual Master we were looking for. He simply conquered and melted our hearts. We were so lucky! We decided to send him our pictures and were officially accepted as his disciples in the beginning of Janury 1994.
Changing the course of our life-river
Those long ago peregrinations that led to discipleship owe much to a dear and now departed companion, my wife – Subarata. Irish-born and fiercely independent, she had asked her parents for a one-way ticket to New Zealand as a 20th birthday present. They consented – and so it was that I first met her in 1975 in the city of Hamilton.
Through chance or fate, she knew somebody that I knew, and on this particular day both of us decided to visit this mutual friend. I hitchhiked 400 miles, she had flown 13,000 miles – and when we met on that summer afternoon long ago, in an instant we became friends.
Reclusive by nature, we lived in remote places, often going for months without seeing anybody. Subarata loved animals – in one mountain hideaway she acquired three pet wild pigs, two beautiful Border Collie dogs called Scruffles and Scobie, a white Palomino horse named Trigger, four nameless and disapproving hens, some zebra finches and a madly eccentric pet lamb called Darley. Goats also lurked, and once a pet fawn – unsnared from a fence – stayed for a brief convalescence.
When Subarata’s visa expired, the Immigration Department gave her three days to leave New Zealand, so in the small South Island town of Motueka we got married in a registry office. We were both indifferent to marriage, so there was no ring, no flowers – it was as meaningless as signing a bank deposit slip, but it enabled her to stay.
In 1979 we consulted the I-Ching, the mystical Chinese Book of Changes, and followed its murky promptings to Australia. We travelled from Perth in the West to Adelaide in South Australia via circuitous ways and innumerable adventures, eventually settling out near Port Adelaide and beginning another kind of odyssey. For it was there that we found the Sri Chinmoy Centre.
Travelling east from Perth, you can cross the endless Nullarbor Plain by road along the Eyre Highway – a 2,700 km epic – or in leisurely fashion on the Indian Pacific railway, gazing out for two days at the vast, unpopulated desert which features the longest dead straight stretch of rail in the world – so flat you can see the slow curve of the earth’s rim. But we flagged a car on the edge of that red expanse, sharing the journey with two strangers who ended up being firm friends and who gave us four months of work in their outback motel, the Quorn Mill Motel. Subarata became the new waitress for the tour bus arrivals, I a charlatan wine waiter and handyman, and we lived in a caravan parked up in the dusty backyard of the motel.
Sometimes our new friends towed our caravan-home 200 miles north and left us for a few days at road’s end in the empty, endless hills, their rust-orange escarpments and valleys of pale eucalyptus spread out in all directions. We wandered under extravagantly beautiful sunsets and dawn skies filled with flocks of wheeling birds, their wings turning grey, then pink, then silver as they turned in unison in the first sunlight, an aerial spectacular high up against the blue, exulting in the new day’s gift of life.
Then we moved to Adelaide. One afternoon late that year, as randomly as a feather carried on a breeze, we crossed a city street and wandered into a café in search of a cooling drink and that was how, in an utterly fortuitous, whimsical moment, we first encountered the name of Sri Chinmoy. That profound and life-changing moment seems so capricious. Might the breeze have carried us as easily through another doorway to a different end? I don’t know. But there he was, smiling at us from a photo on the cafe wall, and inside both of us something far away stirred. Was it the recognition of something preordained, a whisper from the awakening soul? I do believe so.
Then we responded to an unrelated 'learn to meditate‘ advertisement – and there Sri Chinmoy was again, in his transcendental aspect, on Sipra’s shrine. Unusually, in this first introductory session, Sipra left us at the start of our first exercise to go shopping, returning sometime later to check on our progress! Perhaps when the God-Hour strikes, technique and training hardly matter – grace smoothes the way and clears away all obstacles!
Shortly after, we went to New York. We first saw Sri Chinmoy at an evening meditation, sometime in early 1981. There was white light all around him and something stirred in my memory, a pleasing feeling of recollection and of coming home. We stood afterwards in the school corridor down which he walked on the way to his car, and in those few moments I think something quite significant happened. Guru looked at both of us and smiled very beautifully – his eyes flickered up and down and he was looking at my heart centre. I could feel something happening there, a block removed, a small explosion of feeling. After that, I never worried about how to meditate any more – I felt it had all been taken care of, an initiation of some kind, and that meditation was really a gift or an act of grace. We just had to be willing to keep trying.
This outer tale is nothing much, but I sometimes wonder at the inner things hidden from our understanding, and marvel that two people such as we could be so blessed. This gift of discipleship irrevocably changed the course of our life-river and set us firmly on the great journey back to God, that supreme quest and highest calling that lies at the heart of each and every human life.
First steps on the Spiritual Path

Databir Watters. New York, US.
Databir describes the spiritual experiences which led him to a spiritual path and his guru Sri Chinmoy.
"...I wanted to make sure that Guru was the same as my experience on the boat, so I asked Guru inwardly to show me...." Read More »
Sarama Minoli. New York, US.
Sarama describes her early experiences with yoga and meditation, and her first meditation with Sri Chinmoy.
"Considering that I entered this world as a fourth generation atheist, who would have predicted a future in the spiritual life for me?".... Read More »
Pranam Horlbeck - Zurich, Switzerland
"I felt in my heart that there must be more to life than just fulfilling the desires of the outer world... I saw a poster with a smiling picture of Sri Chinmoy and an aphorism, something about paradise being a state of consciousness. I immediately felt: this man is really happy – I want that happiness, too" Read more »

Antaranga Gressenich - Munich, Germany
"God provided me with a clear mind and the ability to understand that power can change situations for a while, but that real and lasting change will start only when human beings feel more sympathy and love in their hearts and start to share. But how could I help to bring about this change?" . Read More »

Sipra Lloyd - Adelaide, Australia
Sipra talks about becoming Sri Chinmoy's student back in the 1970's, the various spiritual enterprises she has worked in over the years, and some of the inner and outer experiences she has had with Sri Chinmoy. Read More »

Anandashru Elliott - Auckland, New Zealand
Anandashru describes a spontaneous spiritual experience that set her on her spiritual journey.
"I saw how all things are connected and that love is the key, and I was swept along and upward in a joyous unfolding vision of how this could blossom into Heaven on earth one day..." Read More »
Stories from other sites

Sumangali Morhall - York, GB
"I cannot account for my good fortune. I am small and full of imperfection, but divine love touches all creation like the fingers of the sun. Luckily we need not wait to deserve it..." Read more at Learning to Live on Sumangali.org

Interviewed by Utpal Marshall on perfectionjourney.org.
"There were moments there when I just knew I had found the real thing..." Read article »
The Inner Fire
by Indivar Stolba
Vienna, Austria
As a child I enjoyed a Roman Catholic up-bringing and went to a convent primary school, which strengthened my natural faith in God. My family went to Church on Sundays, but we never prayed together on a daily basis. During my adolescence and college years, other things became more important to me than spirituality. Furthermore, the church could not provide me with answers to life that satisfied my inquisitive and searching mind. When I finished my studies, however, my eldest brother died, and in the wake of this blow of fate, I gradually became a seeker again. It took me a few years, however, to find my Master.
First, I became interested in Eastern philosophy and religions, in Sufism and also Christian mysticism. A friend of mine who had been close to my brother for some time, too, had become the disciple of a Sufi Master in Jerusalem shortly before my brother died. She and her husband tried to console me with a spiritual approach to life and death, but at that time I was not yet open. They said they prayed for my brother – and perhaps they also prayed for me. Around Christmas of 1988, I seriously considered visiting their Master, but in my heart of hearts, I felt that I should wait.
In January 1989, I noticed a poster for a lecture series „The Inner Fire,“ held at Vienna University. The topic appealed to me very much, and the lectures were very interesting.
One night an incident took place that convinced not only my mind, but also my heart. I walked up to ask the lecturer some questions about the lecture. Suddenly I saw how light emerged from the bottom of his eyes and soul without him being aware of it. Today I know that it was Guru’s light calling me. When I saw this strong glow, this inner light and inner fire shining up in his’s eyes, I immediately knew that what he was talking about was not mere theory and that this path was an authentic, serious spiritual path. I was not completely con-vinced, however, that this path was also meant for me, but I continued with the meditation classes. Like many seekers I still had a few inner and outer obstacles to overcome.
During one of the meditation classes, the lecturer pointed out that spiritual Masters come into the world only to help seekers and humanity selflessly. He suggested that we should concen-trate on the Transcendental photograph of Guru, offer any problem to the Master and ask for his help.
For two years I had tried to quit smoking, but after about six months of non-smoking, I started smoking again occasio-nally, and then it was on and off. So I asked Guru for help in this matter. One night, after a meditation class, I suddenly had a very strong desire to smoke. I bought a pack of cigarettes and greedily smoked a few cigarettes within a short period of time in the open air. At that time I did not smoke inside my apartment anymore, as I already meditated regularly. When I returned home and walked past my shrine, I suddenly got terribly sick and I remained sick all night. But after that un-pleasant night, any craving for smoking was completely gone. This was how I first experienced Guru’s grace very tangibly.
I was also very fortunate that Guru came to visit Vienna in April 1989 while I was still taking meditation classes. When I saw Guru for the first time at a lecture at the university, I was immediately impressed with what I felt was his divine authority and authenticity. I also felt that he was someone completely trustworthy and reliable, which is something very rare and most precious in this world.
On the same night of April 1st, Guru gave a concert which I also liked a lot, especially his unconventional piano per-formance. But the highlight was my personal encounter with Guru. In those days Guru invited all interested seekers to walk past him after the concert and meditate with him for a brief moment. When I approached Guru, my soul and my humility came to the fore, and I felt Guru’s overpowering love, divinity and height. When my eyes finally met with his light-flooded, compassionate eyes, I felt that he was my Master and that I was meant to be his disciple. Although I handed in my picture after the concert, I always count April 1st as my true disciple anniversary.
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